Yesterday morning I was in my car waiting on my wife as who was being treated for two broken teeth. The night before she caught the same 24 hour bug that had struck the rest of us in the home, but the results for her were a little worse. She got out of bed around 1:00 am feeling nauseated. She headed to the bathroom but before making to the toilet, she passed out striking her face on the vanity breaking two teeth, busting her lip and hitting the back of her head. Considering how this really could have turned out, waiting in the parking lot isn’t so bad.
While waiting in the car, I noticed the crisp Fall breeze that was blowing. I could feel the wind blowing out the last gasps of summer and forcing in the cold winds of Winter. Just as the season go, so do our lives. I could see these changes also occurring in my own life.
I have been away for a while. I haven’t just been gone physically, but also mentally. My life has been in a very dark place. I have been in a place mentally that many people don’t always return from, I look at my family origin as an example of that.
I woke up a few days ago both physically and mentally. I realized the life I have been living for decades and it seemed as though it was someone else’s not mine. It was like I woke up from a bad dream and a couple of decades had passed. I have experienced many things in my life that I never imagined I would and I’m not talking about good things.
I have allowed my life to spiral out of control. I’ve allowed myself to be used, manipulated and discarded in the pursuit of having others like and accept me. I have allowed my health, finances and future to be put at risk by my poor decisions. I have felt the pain of loneliness and hurt from people who appeared to care and call themselves family and friends, to only have them vanish when times got tough.
I have experienced the sting of humiliation and disrespect. The feeling of worthlessness from those that you helped and sacrificed for only to learn how disposable you really are. The feeling you get when you see others on the street that once leaned on you for everything and now look away as if you never existed, it’s more emotional pain than I ever imagined I would suffer.
This is what I have awakened to, this is where my life is. I woke up and thought about my almost 52 wasted years on this planet. I thought of the faith that I have lost in so many things, including myself. I had mentally beaten myself up to the point of giving up. But through a lot of prayer, God has reached out and adjusted my thinking and my path.
God has made me realize that the past 52 years have not been wasted, it was a test. It has been research for me to use in showing what we can overcome and change after a long battle in life. It is what I can use to show where I was and the steps I took to overcome my adversity to become not only what I expected, but most of all what God expects.
My journey for a healthy and happy life continues. I know need to use my knowledge and my direction from God to focus and continue my journey.