I know my posts are not always the most positive. It is a process, this blogging is a tool in my life to help me through it. Life lost it purpose and enjoyment so many years ago, I can’t even remember. I have been hurt, used, disrespected and abandoned by many, even those that are supposedly “men of the cloth”.
I harbor so much anger, so much resentment and so much ill will toward so many. I have been hurt so much co-workers, employers, friends family and most of all my parents. I feel I have been used and then thrown out like yesterday’s trash. The pain is terrible and the wounds run deep.
My inability or unwillingness to forgive is keeping me anchored to this dark and angry world that I’m currently in. A world that shows glimpses of light only to once again fade under these dark clouds of anger and despair. My life gets consumed by the bitterness, the anger, the hurt, the loss but most of all the feeling of abandonment.
All of these things combined are my anchor. The anchor in my life that keeps me from progressing or moving forward. The anchor that is causing me to stay still and not be mobile to avoid some of the storms that keep damaging my life.
I know I have control over the anchor. The problem is I’ve allowed it collect so much over the years and not maintain it, it has become more difficult to repair. I pray to a God often for help and when He appears to have sent it, something generally causes it to go away.
My eyes opened a couple of days ago to a thought that I had, we can spend our lives existing or living, its our choice. I have existed for decades, now it is time to live. Live a life God intended for me. It’s time to cut the anchor loose and change the course if my journey.