I sat amongst all my brothers for discernment. I felt the calling very strongly, the problem is so was another one in the group. We were at a stalemate. We both felt the calling. During our final time of prayer a thought entered my mind, “am I once again setting myself up for disappointment and pain. Do I really want to once again make a huge investment of my time and put myself out there for another big tumble.”
My thoughts turned to, “What if I just remove myself and allow the other one to have the position? ” and at that moment it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I realized this was not the course for me. I need closure. I need closure of my relationship with the church that has done too much damage to me. A church that does have some really wonderful people that have tried to help and to them I am truly grateful. I know I have a great purpose in this life, but I now realize this is not part of it. By no means am I leaving the church at this point, I just don’t feel the call to once again be active as I once was in the church.
We all know God has a plan for all of us. I pray for His Love and Guidance. Do I feel the need to participate to try and fit in, no. No longer do I feel the need to work hard just to gain the acceptance of others. I realize how important it is for me to first love myself. Knowing the unconditional love that I have from God and love I need to develop for myself, that’s enough for me right now.
I truly wish my brothers well. I hope nothing but the best for them on their journey, it’s just unfortunate but I believe my journey is just taking me down a different path. Our time on this planet is relatively short compared to eternity, so it’s time for me to begin living. The mystery of my journey continues, but I’m beginning to see my path more clearly.
Oh Heavenly Father,
I ask You to please guide my brothers as they continue their journey.
I thank you for the guidance You have brought to me and I hear Your Words loud and clear.
I continue to pray for the gift of forgiveness, that I know You have instilled in me.
I thank for Your Forgiveness and allowing me this chance to honor You.
In Jesus Name I pray,