God has really been working on me for the past several years. I can’t remember the last time I felt my life was full of joy and happiness. I can’t remember what it feels like to have that one friend that you can truly confide in and understands you. I’ve never known the feeling of having parents that are there for you when times are tough. God has truly been working on humbling me for years and He is succeeding. What I can’t understand is why I keep being led in directions that are full disappointment and feelings of failure. I’m not sure why I keep heading down this road, but I can only believe it is me.
I’m at my desk at work and listening to everyone making lunch plans. I have been here almost a year and now one has asked me yet and yes for the record I have asked others on separate occasions and get the sorry I already have plans answer. I keep hearing about the big team building bowling outing next week and everyone in the front office with the exception of one person (yes me) is invited. I guess that means I’m not part of the team. I’m not sure what the problem is or even the answer I just know the cold lonely feeling that I feel in my heart.
The Bible doesn’t really mention being alone or lonely very much. As a matter of fact, I think I saw somewhere that the Bible only mentions being alone just twice in the New Testament. My heart tells me that is because God is always in us and Jesus always walks with us. Spiritually I don’t feel alone, but in the flesh I do. My world has turned upside down over the past several years. The list is long and there is no need for me to list it here. We all have our problems and we all seek resolution to them.
I know this is just a phase. This is just my journey through the valley, but let me tell you it is one long valley. I always reflect on the 23rd Psalms to remember He is with me, not only to protect me, but comfort me. I may never know the why of all of this, but I know it will lead to greater things.
I pray for peace. I pray for happiness. I pray that I am truly walking the proper path.
THE 23rd PSALM
“The Lord is my shepherd: I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 23:1-6