A friend of mine posted a picture from a movie that was popular “during the day”, yes I’m aging myself, but what surprised me was the affect that it had on me. There was such a rush of so many emotions that it had my head spininning. So many memories so many feelings just consumed me all at once. I felt the pains and loneliness of my childhood. The feelings of confusion and despair. The heartbreaking feeling of being the outsider.
I have grown up feeling as though a part of nothing. I felt disconnected from my family and still do. I have been invisible to friends and coworkers. My feelings have been ignored and manipulated by so many that I have become numb in so many areas of my life.
There is a line from the moving that has stuck with me from the moment that I heard it. “Stay gold Ponyboy, stay gold.” These are Johnny’s, one of the teenage characters, last words on his death bed after being severely injured saving kids from a fire. These words came from Robert Frost’s poem “Nothing Gold Can Stay”.
This is something I have lost over the years. The ability to remember to be me. To remember the good that has happened and to remember those little things in life that make you feel good. The little gifts from God that we have like beautiful sunrises and sunsets. The smile and laugh of a child. We need to remember the hope and dreams of when we were younger. Yes there are many factors that change us. We have life experiences that make us act differently, but in the end it is up to us to truly know what is important.
We need to truly reach inside of ourselves and remember we are always a child. We are always a child of God and He wants nothing more than to see us enjoying His great gifts. He wants nothing more than to see our smiles and hear our laughs. He wants nothing more than for us to “stay gold.”