Can’t Do It

I’m sitting in an ER  room with my dad.  I know he will be fine we’re here because of his inability to take care of himself.  They will run tests, we’ll wait a couple of hours  for results and we’ll head home.  Sad part is tonight is different.

Tonight I was picking him up for dinner.  Not just any dinner, but my daughters rehearsal dinner.  Yes I had just left my daughter’s wedding rehearsal and went to pick him up at his assisted living facility.  He staggered to my car and started to get in.  He told me he felt strange and that he had pain and numbness in his right arm.  I told him to go back into the building and I would be right in.

I told the receptionists at the desk what was going on and she called for the nurses.  They checked him over and recommended he go to the ER.  

So here I sit.  Missing my daughter’s rehearsal dinner.  Watching my confused dad “bs” his way with the doctors and nurses.  Hearing him care less about what I have sacrificed.  Seeing or should I say not seeing anyone step up to help me so I can enjoy my daughter’s big occasion.  

Being yelled at and ridiculed by those I would expect a little support from.  Yeah let me just leave this confused man with a bunch of strangers. 

I give up.  I can honestly and truly say that I GIVE UP!  It has all become too much of a battle.  I am tired.  I am defeated.  I can’t do this anymore.  The loneliness and abandonment that I feel is indescribable.  Know ones asking me do I need help, am I ok.  No, what I’m hearing is don’t ruin the weekend.  Just let “them” deal with him.

So I sit here in the ER room with my eyes full of tears.  Looking at a man who has failed to take care of himself and thinks that he is owed everything.  I sit here by myself because he has no one else, he has ran the rest of them off.  

I’m lost, confused and full of helplessness.  I’m not sure why this is all happening and I don’t how it will end.  All I know is I’m tired, lonely and fighting a battle I will never win.

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About weightingtobe

On a journey for a full life.
This entry was posted in Christian, Faith, God, Jesus, Prayer, Religion, Self Improvement. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Can’t Do It

  1. Everything happens for a reason. You are truly a great person because your supporting your dad when he has no compassion for the weight he is putting on others. You may not see it now, but what your doing is right, and there will be a reason for all of this. Bless your heart, for loving your father, even when it has burdened you and others. You are the light in his darkness, and when your world is dark there will be a light for you. God is watching you, and supporting you, when others are not. Do not forget that the things you do out of love you are also doing those things for God so things can go to His plan. Things appear very tough, but when it is over you will remember and might think that it is amazing how perfect timing is. God bless you.

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