I’m sitting in an ER room with my dad. I know he will be fine we’re here because of his inability to take care of himself. They will run tests, we’ll wait a couple of hours for results and we’ll head home. Sad part is tonight is different.
Tonight I was picking him up for dinner. Not just any dinner, but my daughters rehearsal dinner. Yes I had just left my daughter’s wedding rehearsal and went to pick him up at his assisted living facility. He staggered to my car and started to get in. He told me he felt strange and that he had pain and numbness in his right arm. I told him to go back into the building and I would be right in.
I told the receptionists at the desk what was going on and she called for the nurses. They checked him over and recommended he go to the ER.
So here I sit. Missing my daughter’s rehearsal dinner. Watching my confused dad “bs” his way with the doctors and nurses. Hearing him care less about what I have sacrificed. Seeing or should I say not seeing anyone step up to help me so I can enjoy my daughter’s big occasion.
Being yelled at and ridiculed by those I would expect a little support from. Yeah let me just leave this confused man with a bunch of strangers.
I give up. I can honestly and truly say that I GIVE UP! It has all become too much of a battle. I am tired. I am defeated. I can’t do this anymore. The loneliness and abandonment that I feel is indescribable. Know ones asking me do I need help, am I ok. No, what I’m hearing is don’t ruin the weekend. Just let “them” deal with him.
So I sit here in the ER room with my eyes full of tears. Looking at a man who has failed to take care of himself and thinks that he is owed everything. I sit here by myself because he has no one else, he has ran the rest of them off.
I’m lost, confused and full of helplessness. I’m not sure why this is all happening and I don’t how it will end. All I know is I’m tired, lonely and fighting a battle I will never win.