This post may get long, I might even have to split it up into multiple posts, we will see. I started this blog a few years ago when a life that was already a struggle got even worse. My goal was to bring back the faith that I once had not just for my almighty Father in Heaven, but the faith I had in myself. Fortunately and unfortunately I have succeeded at half of this.
I feel closer to God than I have in decades. I now realize there is a plan and need to continue working on the skills I need to fulfill that plan. Do I know what the plan is, no, but as I see my life moving in a direction I never would have imagined, I know Someone else is guiding it and it’s not me.
Over the years I have posted about anger, hate, fear and the hardest one regret. I have discussed love, joy and happiness. The subject I always come back to is faith. Faith for many reasons has been a struggle in my life. To me faith has a few ingredients like trust, respect, honesty, sincerity and dependability. This is no official definition of faith, just mine.
I lost faith in others several years ago because I really had no one in my life that I would say fit my definition. I had most people in my life “abandon ship” when things fot tough almost ten years ago. Many people don’t mind being around to watch a “train wreck”, but they don’t want to hang around and help clean up the mess.
I have struggled greatly through that past several years of my life. I have put on a great front for the world to see, but it gets harder and harder everyday. It is so easy to ignore people when they are down, we don’t want to catch what they have. It’s harder to step up and offer our assistance not knowing how it will inconvenience our life.
it’s easy sitting at home surfing the internet, staring at a TV set or any other pleasure we have in life. Hard is sitting in a hospital room with a parent that has NEVER been there for you as his memory slips away. Knowing every time he wakes up from one of his short naps it’s like you just got there. Knowing that he has no concept that you have been there, but you want him to see someone familiar when he wakes up in his confused state.
I have have made some tough decisions in my life that have been life altering and not for the good. I have been paying the price for many many years and see no other choice but to change the course of my life.